It has been interesting over the years as a parent and others suggestions to write a book about my parenting experience and skills.
I attended a workshop, visited with parents and those experiences have motivated me to write a blog about “conscious communication” with our children. The workshop reminded me how words, even when kidding, can be challenges for adults many years later. Don’t “KID” around with words. For starters, let’s explore the power of language, words and what we truly want. For me, I desire my children to be whoever they want! Key areas I focus to enhance are confidence, empowerment, independence, self-worth, good relationships, intuition, authenticity, successful, love and the list goes on and on…..
Conscious Kid Thought # 1 – What’s the Outcome?
When I am communicating with my children, I think, “What is the outcome I desire?” and I tell them that!!! It has been a major shift, with lots of focus to make conscious choices with my language. Here are a few examples:
“Don’t run!” And what happens? The children hear the word RUN and continue to do that! I would say “WALK”
“Don’t forget” I would say “Please remember”
“Don’t be afraid” – “You are courageous”
“That’s stupid” – “Let’s see if we can find a better way”
Conscious Kid Thought # 2 – What Body Langage?
Words account for only 7%
Tone of voice accounts for 38%
Body language accounts for 55%
“Don’t hit” what happens? Children often continue to hit or it takes longer to work with this behavior change. Some parents slap or hit when they tell their children not to. THIS IS CRAZY!!! What worked for me is “Please touch nice” or “Touch gently” and I would show them (be a role model) with my hands, what that looked like.
Conscious Kid Thought #3 – Emotions Speak too?
Often when kids are crying, I hear parents say “You’re not hurt”, “Stop Crying”! What if someone said that to them? I believe this cycle has been handed down for many years. And the core, this statement may stem from not wanting to deal with our own emotions or this level of emotional release is uncomfortable. Even if the children are looking for attention (get their “love tank” filled), let them “be” in their emotions! It has taken me years to START to be comfortable with ALL my emotions. I know my children will be free of so much “emotional luggage” because I honor their emotions. Anger, sadness, joy, scared, peaceful – All of it!
Conscious Kid Thought #4 – What’s a Love Tank?
We all have “Love Tanks” ! With children, when they are misbehaving it’s often because they have a misdirected goal (http://www.ActiveParenting.com) that they need support in redirecting the energy. One way that is quick and powerful to fill a “Love Tank”, is quality time. This is time that they direct the activity. With kids my age, it is usually “floor time” with a game, go to the movies or beach. They decide!
Conscious Kid Thought # 5 – Course Correct, What Do I Do?
When making corrections I do a “compliment sandwich” as my son says. Compliment, correction then compliment! This leaves everyone feeling good about change.
Conscious Kid Thought #6 – Who Defines Success?
“That’s the WRONG way” – this statement has a way of closing the mind. Another way to state this is “Here is another way or a different way”
Our schools have this system of looking at what we do WRONG! Many times they put -3 instead of +97 on school work! Let’s focus on ALL the good stuff the kids do instead of where they miss things. Success BREEDS Success!!
Conscious Kid Thought #7 – Do We Want Transformation in our World?
When we shift our language and our thoughts about others…they change. You have the power to make a big difference with awareness. Be present with EVERY word that leaves your mouth. Children are our future and what may appear as nothing to you, can leave residue for years to come. BE CONSCIOUS!! Speak words of love, success, joy and say all the things you wish your parents would have said to you!
Partners in Success,
Please post comments and feedback!